[ F i e n d ]

The life of a fiendish schizophrenic.

Saturday, October 25, 2003

Uncertainty

Song of the moment: Drive by Incubus



Sometimes,
I feel the fear of
uncertainty stinging clear.
And I
can't help but ask myself
how much I'll let the fear
take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before,
and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I am beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.


Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
with open arms and open eyes. Yeah


Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there


So if I
decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
will I
choose water over wine
and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before
and it seems to be the way
that everyone else gets around.
But lately I'm
beginning to find that
when I drive myself my light is found.


whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
with open arms and open eyes. Yeh.


whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there


Would you choose water over wine.... hold the wheel and drive?


whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
with open arms and open eyes. Yeh.


whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there




Care to listen to this song?





I can no longer tell the difference between my dreams and reality. Sometimes, my dreams seem more real to me than reality itself. Lorraine and I were talking about death in dreams last night on AIM. She told me that she once dreamnt about someone dying, and all she could do was laugh. I don't think I can ever laugh in anybody's death. Before, I used to think I was emotionally tough and that I can make myself laugh at a funeral if I wanted to. I was a sadistic freak. I think I've grown emotionally and have learned that life is too precious to throw away. I was stuck in such a stage of angsty depression and hate for the world, but the more I hated people, the deeper I would sink into my bottomless pit of open darkness.


I've been thinking for a long time now that I should change my Blogger layout. I've had so many dark and twisted layouts... I think its about time I move on. I'm not saying I'm going to change my layout into something pink, purple and white or anything. Just maybe something a little less scary and depressed.


But then, my laziness kicks in and I've been having this "artistic block" for some time now. I remember when I was all obsessed with Photoshop and being a computer graphic artist for a living, but then I would see the works of other computer graphic artists, and would be intimidated. That's when I stopped having those 'dreams' of becoming a professional web designer and Photoshop pro.


Back to dreams. I have had three dreams of my mother dying. The most vivid one was when someone stabbed her in the middle of our living room. I was in front of her, watching her struggle. I was just standing there as if I didn't care. Then the oddest thing happened; a white light started oozing out of our wall. As it grew and grew, I saw the image of Jesus in the bright, white light. He stepped into our living room, picked up my mother, and walked away in the white horizon of the mysterious fog. And there I stand, emotionless, lifeless, careless. I woke up crying. I don't even know if I was crying because I had just dreamnt of my mom dying, I think I was crying because I had lacked so much emotion.


My grandfather's death has impacted my life more than anything in the world. He impacted my life more than anyone in the world. I was four years old when he died. I remember walking into the room where they held his pre-funeral "viewing" of his body. Everyone was dressed in black, the decors were of black and red, and I just remember ever so vividly the image of my grandmother crying in front of his casket. My mom picked me up over his cold, dead body and showed me how handsome he looked in his tux. By that time, I still didn't completely understand the meaning of death. I must have been the only one in that room that didn't have the least bit of tear in my eye. In my childish, oblivious comprehension, I thought my grandfather was in slumber... just in a deep, trepidated slumber. And I thought they were crying in hopes of waking him up, that if he saw how sad everyone was, he'd realize that it wasn't his time to go. I tried so hard to cry. I forced myself to cry. I couldn't even get a single tear to roll down my face, and I felt so frustrated.


After that day, when I got older and understood the meaning of death, I started to feel as if I had a black heart. I didn't think I was capable of crying, even for someone I loved ever so dearly. And when I got older to completely realize the sadness of this situation, I started to just cry every single night. Everytime I would feel sad, I would remember that incident when I didn't cry for the person I loved the most, and the next thing I know, there would be tears streaming down my face. Back when I was the tender age of 7-13, I honestly believed I had a black heart. A black, ever so fiendishly cold heart that refuses to love and be loved in return.


But then I grew up.


Even now, I still feel sad about things I can't easily talk about with just anyone. The difference between now and then, is that now, I'm not some sadistic, life-hating fiend. The sadness that I have endured in the past sixteen years of my life has become nothing more than an illusion of a very special lesson. A lesson that teaches me to just.... love life. Without love, you cannot feel emotion. Without emotion, brings me sadness and depression. And I've already been through that. I hate hating myself, and hatred brings you nothing but even more hatred. With love, you learn something even deeper than hate. And love branches off into more (positive) posibilities. You can do so much more with the love and appreciation of life.


It's hard for me to be happy and go-lucky with my history of negativity. You might think that I'm being way to over dramatic just because my grandfather died, but you only know 1/20th of the whole story. The thing with my grandfather is just a puzzle piece of my life.


If I could just be more optimistic and happy, I'd be fine. The happiness within me comes and leaves, but if I just get used to it and find something that doesn't easily bore me or annoy me, then I can easily make that smooth transition between depression and happiness. You see, this is why I want to move into a new city and start off fresh. I have had so many bad memories and experiences here in Santa Cruz, and I want to make that transition without the obstacle of things that remind me of the past. Maybe, if I move somewhere else, forgetting my negative past would be a lot easier than forgetting the past, while I'm living in the past (Santa Cruz). I sometimes feel as if I wasted these last nine years that I have been living here.


Oh wait. I thought I was going to think more optimistically. Okay. Uhhh.... these last nine years have been great. And wonderful. Damnit. I'd be lying to myself if I actually believed that. Okay... lets see.... these last nine years have been a lesson well-learned that feeling pity for yourself brings nothing more but trouble. Shit. That analogy sucks.


I guess I'll come up with a better analogy later. For now, I am sitting here in the upstairs of my house, fucking sweating to death. I cannot believe how fucking hot it is, in the middle of FALL. lol. California is so wierd. I smell... I'm gonna go now and shower of this disgusting, sticky sweat that has formed all over my hands. It's hard to type this way.


Oh yeah... Tya never called me, that stupid whore. We were supposed to hang out today and buy our Sugarcult tickets for tommorow. Oh well, I guess I won't go. I need to do my Analysis homework anyways. =)


fallen angel
Your the 'Fallen angel, Drifting through the world
in your tormented and troubled mind, you see
the bad side in everything but only because you
lost your compassion and optimism when you fell
from heaven... you dont understand humans, or
yourself.. but you accept it and live just to
complain { or so it would seem sometimes } your
the dispar in the balence wharas the angel is
topped too much to the other side of the
scale... you live to wonder..


What Type Of Anime Creature Are You?
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What the hell. This just completely contradicted my entire post.

Friday, October 24, 2003

I wish I was Bohemian. That would be so cool... then I'd be a mix of Bohemian, Italian and Filipino. Bohemians are pretty. So are Italians. Filipinos are only pretty when they're mixed with some European or other Asian blood (Japanese, Korean, Chinese). Most American-Filipinos are mutts anyways. Our race is going to eventually disappear and I just bet you bottom-dollar that my great, great, great, grandkids are going to be a mix of Filipino, Italian, French, Irish, Japanese, Australian, African, Korean, Austrian, Bohemian, Chinese, and German.


*yawn* I think I'm starting to get sick and delusional. It's probably just the lack of sleep I've been having. I stayed up until two in the morning, taking notes on My Antonia (a new novel that my English class is reading). I woke up at 7 so I could take a shower, which means I only got like 5 hours of sleep. I also stayed up until 2-3 in the morning the "night" before, trying to remember how to do my Analysis homework and procrastinating every now and then. I always get side-tracked when I do my homework. Most of it is the Internet. It's just so comforting sitting here and typing my thoughts, have them be deep and emotional, or random and insignificant. I think my ass is shrinking from me sitting too much. When I get caught up in designing a new website or Blogger layout, I forget to eat... especially if I'm in the major breakthrough of making the "perfect" layout.


Ugh.... I feel weak and de-hydrated and tired. Perhaps I should go downstairs now and drink some water. You would be suprized of the extremes of my laziness. I would be sitting here, chatting with people on AIM, and would complain for hours on end of being hungry, or bored, or thirsty, and even in some EXTRA lazy circumstances, I would have the urge to go to the bathroom, but would be too lazy to get up and walk to the next room and and 'do my business'. I'm so wierd. It's like I have senioritis, only I have it 24/7--in AND out of school. I really need to stop being lazy. Hmm.. I think I'll start by getting out of this comfortable computer chair and hopping into bed so I can get some much needed rest. =P


Good night.

Damnit

Song of the moment: Bring me to life by Evanescence



How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core
Where Ive become so numb


Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

-CHORUS-
[wake me up] Wake me up inside
[I cant wake up] Wake me up inside
[Save me] Call my name and save me from the dark
[Wake me up] Bid my blood to run
[I cant wake up] Before I come undone
[Save me] Save me from the nothing I've become


Now that I know what Im without
You cant just leave me
Breathe into me and {make me real}
Bring me
To life


-CHORUS-
[wake me up] Wake me up inside
[I cant wake up] Wake me up inside
[Save me] Call my name and save me from the dark
[Wake me up] Bid my blood to run
[I cant wake up] Before I come undone
[Save me] Save me from the nothing I've become


{Bring me to life}
[Ive been living a lie..Theres nothing inside]
{Bring me to life}


Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead


[All of this I, I cant believe I couldnt see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me]


Ive been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything


[Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul]
{Dont let me die here}{There must be something more}
Bring me to life


-CHORUS-

[wake me up] Wake me up inside
[I cant wake up] Wake me up inside
[Save me] Call my name and save me from the dark
[Wake me up] Bid my blood to run
[I cant wake up] Before I come undone
[Save me] Save me from the nothing I've become


Bring me to life
[Ive been living a lie.. Theres nothing inside]
Bring me to life


I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.


Bring me to life




Care to listen to this song?





I lost touch with my true self.


It’s sickening to think what my Blogger has become. Mindless, mainstream bullshit, day in and day out. People ask me why I have deleted my previous posts for the past week. I ask myself why the fuck I posted that shit in the first place.


I remember the last time I opened the box of puzzle pieces, trying each and every combination to find the one that fits. In contrast to my writing, I spent my time, intricately piecing together each word in such a way that the former word, would complement the latter, creating an almost harmonious beat; a steady flow to my writing, unwavering in its strength and longevity. Trying each and every combination to find the one that fits, slowly unveiling the labryinth


Piecing together letters, creating a word, and building up those words to create a sentence, and those sentences to voice my thoughts out to the world. It seems like an eternity since that lapse of creative talent was tapped.


I noticed a growing trend in my posts - more specifically, referring to the time interval between each succeeding post. Characteristics that take a life of their own, accompanied by long lapse of silence and lack of creative ideas, or the feeling that this isn’t ‘post worthy’.


It hit me with much dismay. Perhaps my ‘skills’ as a writer is nothing but a temporary euphoria - a momentary lapse of creativity that is never constant, incapturable at best. A frightening ordeal that prompted me to lay my pen down to rest, only to feel its unusually cold surface in later uses.


Then it hit me. It came to me in a place where my mind can rationalize thoughts and idea to the utmost degree, where my usual state of consciousness could only dream to fathom. It came to me somewhere between my conscious mind and my fantasy world, where I can scale any mountain, overcome any obstacle and ponder the deepest objectives. Oddly enough, my most creative period of time is right before I fall asleep.



Chalk it up to perfectionist. An urge, almost the need to be creative, innovative and original. It's the desire to not repeat ones self, but to cultivate your thoughts into an ever-lasting creative renaissance.


I have slayed the ultimate enemy… myself.



Ugh. Well, there goes my artistic expression of the day. The real reason why I deleted my posts was because Ashley called me and told me that *cough* 'that person' *cough* wrote down the url for my blogger. Hah. I'm so sneaky. *rolls eyes*


Anywho, I should go call Tya pretty soon. She and I are going to buy our Sugar Cult concert tickets tommorow, and afterwards, we're going to go hang out in downtown. I'm gonna go and read my novel now... ciao!

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Class: American Literature
Assignment: Contradictable essay

Song of the moment: Going Under by Evanescence



Care to listen to this song?





The Ridiculous Fear of Mainstream Philosophies





















Mil Alba
B7, Gillette
American Literature
October 17th, 2003








Based on the play, The Crucible, by Arthur Miller



----------



If you had the power to make a difference in your society, would you do it to help other people, or would you do it for your own profit and promotion of your authority? In most cases, the idea of having that great of power is too overwhelming, and the pressures that come with it can taint the mind of anyone capable of thinking. In the case of The Crucible, Parris, Hale and Danforth undergo the same situation, enduring it in their own circumstances. Fear of community pressures forces them to administer the law without regard for human welfare.


First of all, Parris chooses not to be greedy and selfish, instead his high position forces him to do what he knows is wrong by administering the law and making himself believe something that he knows isn’t true. Abigail was trying to explain the truth to what she and the other girls were doing in the forest, thus truly admitting to Parris that they were not witches. Parris just brushes Abigail’s confession off like dust on his shirt, and responds in a way as if Abigail was speaking another language that he doesn’t understand, “Abigail, I cannot go before the congregation when I know you have not opened with me. What did you do in the forest?” (10). He knows that what she is saying is true, but his anxiety of losing his position as a minister is preventing him from comprehending the truth. Parris’ fear of losing his position is so strong that his comprehension of a dog barking and Abigail giving her declaration of guilt becomes equivalent. Parris continues to talk to her as if she were a little child or someone that was mentally disabled. Parris contradicts his accusations towards Abigail committing witchery when he assures Goody Putnam that there was absolutely no witchcraft occurring in his household (14). He does this merely just to prevent them further suspicion leading towards recalling Parris as their minister. Parris is scared of losing his high position in the town, and without knowing it, he symbolically spins himself a web of lies in prevention of other people accusing him for something he is not.


Differing from Parris’ motives, Hale on the other hand actually believes in the power and honesty of the court making it hard for him to oversee the lies of Abigail and the girls. He eventually conquers over their dishonesty, yet he could have accomplished more if he had realized it earlier. Hale shows his belief and admiration for the court when he addresses it as the “godly wisdom of the court” (67-68). He knows that the accusations towards Rebecca and Elizabeth are ridiculous, yet does little to prevent them from seeing the court. He truly believes that the court will do the right thing and view them as what they truly are--innocent. Another example of Hale’s tremendous faith in the court is when he expresses his opinions of Rebecca in a good way yet states that “the court will send her home, I know it” (71). He has the comprehension of the absurdity of the situation when Rebecca was arrested of witchcraft, yet assures the others that the court is justified. He prevents himself from stopping Cheever for doing his job because he is scared of going against his faith and confidence towards the court. Another example of the court’s contradictory accusation is when Abigail deceives the others and makes them believe that Mary sent her spirit out to stab her. When Mary notified Hale about the girls’ mischievous propaganda, Hale reasons with the others as if Abigail must be right because she confesses it to the court (76). He’s not necessarily scared of community pressures; he’s more scared of denying the court, thus denying his beliefs. It’s as if the court covered Hale’s eyes and morale with heavy curtains, preventing him from perceiving the truth.


Moving towards a different layer of the power Salem’s community pressures stands Danforth. Danforth’s power and high position in Massachusetts makes it hard for him to be un-biased towards the two sides of the court, even if he realizes that the side that he is prosecuting is innocent. Danforth talks about how many people he has executed and condemned to be hung (87). Doing this, he constrains other people to recognize his power and allows them to know that he isn’t someone to mess with. He does this in hopes of preventing other people from going against his powerful court. He also does this in hopes of intimidating them because he is exasperated with all of the court cases that resemble the Salem witch trials. He refuses to accept Mary’s deposition during the hearing, and tempts Proctor to drop his charges against Abigail to prevent future contradictions on the court (88). He is scared of expanding the time-scale of the court with an accusation such as Proctor and Mary’s, because he believes that this case is just like the others. He has already gone through cases such as these, causing him to be biased against the defendants. Another example of Danforth’s some-what conceit towards his own power, is when Danforth reasons to Hale about his God-given power as he states, “…God have not empowered me like Joshua to stop this sun from rising, so I cannot withhold from the perfection of their punishment” (130). He talks as if he does not have the power to withdraw the execution of these innocent people even if he knows deep inside that they are not guilty of witchcraft. He realizes the chaos that the court had brought to Salem, yet is too headstrong and determined of the truthfulness of the court. He feels that his honorable judgment is fair and just, and doesn’t feel it necessary to suddenly take it all back and send the list of people forthcoming the death sentence back home.


These three contradistinctive men divaricates from each other in multiple angles, yet they have one thing in common. They all live in a time of the suppression of free thought, free will, and free judgment when their actions are weighted on the society as a whole instead of amongst themselves as individuals, causing immense fear in doing what they think is right. We don’t blame computers for making errors from being given the wrong data, so why should we blame these three men for committing inhumane crimes that society itself has taught them? We do this in fear for blaming society, A.K.A. the “majority”, in fears of going against mainstream philosophies. So in other words, all of us (or most of us) suffer along side Paris, Hale and Danforth in their struggle against the fear of community pressures whether we realize it, like it, or not.



--------


I love English. It's my favorite and (often) best subject.



[shift]



Hey.... why isn't anyone signing my guestbook and/or tagging my tagboard? I want feedback. ;_;


Survey

Song of the moment: What I Got by Sublime



[spell your first name backwards] ledaliM
[age] 16
[where do you live] Santa Cruz, California
[four words that some you up] A wierd schizophrenic freak


DESCRIBE YOUR:


[wallet] I don't really have a wallet (I always lose my wallets)... but I DO have a tin can.
[hairbrush] Black and red..?
[jewelry worn daily] My earrings
[pillow cover] Barney! I'm not kidding, either... I still use my Barney pillow covers and blankets. =)
[coffee cup] Umm...
[shoes] Red and white Aido skater shoes, all-white All Stars, white/black K-Swiss, a shit load of flip-flops, white/grey Volatiles, white and navy blue All Stars, Baby blue/Navy blue/white Nikes...
[cologne/perfume] I don't wear perfume. o_O;;
[piercings] Two on each lobe, one on my right cartilage
[clothes youre wearing now] Black basketball shorts, Harbor P.E. shirt, socks, sports bra, hair tie. =P
[hair] Black in the front and tips, light brown in the back-top. I dyed it myself. :D


MIXED QUESTIONS:


[wishing] I'd be more agressive in basketball games.... and I wish I would have the fucking guts to start up a conversation with that... umm... person. And stuff.
[after this] I'm going to take a shower because I smell of icky sweat. =X
[talking to] My away message is on because I don't like talking to people when I'm feel like filling out a survey.
[eating] Eating? Not at the moment. o_O;
[fetishes] Eyes, hair, guys. Haha.
[some of your fav. movies] My Sassy Girl, Beauty and the Beast, Serendipity, Bridget Jones' Diary
[something youre looking forward to in the upcomin months] Halloween party (parties?), Holidays, basketball season
[last thing you ate] Half a bagel from lunch.
[something youre hella afraid of] Sneezes. Yes, I am scared of sneezes... I freak out everytime someone sneezes in front of me, it's not even funny. ='(
[if you could have any animals as pets what would they be] A panda, a dolphin, Big Foot, a piranha, A cobra and a dog (I don't have a dog *cry*).
[three cities you wouldn't mind relocating to] NYC, Venice (Italy), Honolulu
[some of your fav. foods] Anything tofu..
[something you wish you could understand better] Guys. -_-;
[miss someone you haven't seen in a long time] My family back in the Philippines, my cousins down in Southern Cali, basically any family that I have that I only get to see every other year. =

DO YOU...:


[like candles] I love candles..
[like incense] The smell of incense reminds me of hippies.
[believe in love] I do, I just haven't experienced it yet.
[believe in soulmates] Kind of..
[believe in love at first sight] Sadly, yes. But looks isn't everything.
[believe in forgiveness] It depends on what the person did. ô_o
[want to get married] I guess.
[want to have kids] Yeap.
[believe that you know the person that youll marry at this point in time] HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Unless it's legal to marry my pet bird, then no.


IN THE LAST 24 HRS HAVE YOU:


[cried] Nope.
[bought sumthin] Yeahp. I just bought two bottled waters for basketball open gym.
[gotten sick] No, thank God.
[sang] *points at the .wav files to the side* I sing everyday anyways in my house...
[eaten] No, I'm anorexic. *rolls eyes*
[been kissed] Yeah, by my imaginary boyfriend. The one that lives in my closet and only comes out when I feel like hanging out with him. =P
[felt stupid] Oh, that's a 24/7 thing. ^.^
[wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't] Err... no.
[met someone new] Yup. There's a few new girls from open gym. They seem nice..
[moved on] From where? What? Eh?
[talked to an ex] Let me think about this... No. My exes are stupid and they suck. lol.
[missed an ex] *points to the above answer*
[talked to someone you have a crush on] I WISH I had. But then I'm stupid so yeah. =)
[had a serious talk] Oh, I have serious talks all the time. Just by myself. I usually talk to my different personalities and tell them to get along or I'll stab my brain with a pencil. =D
[missed someone] My cousins....
[hugged someone] Yup. Well, actually.. I was hugged. By Ashley. o_O;
[fought with your parents] That happens on a daily basis. :)
[dreamt about someone you can't be with] Not really, I'm not that kind of freak.


SOCIAL LIFE:


[best girl friend(s)] Lorraine, Ashley, Stephanie (even though she's kinda distant...), Robin
[best guy friend(s)] Isaac, Daniel, Jaye-Jaye (Kyle and Jimmy or the guys that I hang out with don't count).
[boyfriend/girlfriend] Ehh? Did some stupid idiot lie and say I was his girlfriend again? -_-;
[if none, current dating partner] It's... confusing....
[hobbies] Reading, writing, listening to music, singing, drawing and painting, basketball, dancing, running, acting...
[pager/cell] I don't have a cell anymore, but you can call my house and yell at my brother for being an idiot and not letting me into his room to watch his anime at 831 - 462 - 5853. ;D
[are you the center of attention or wallflower] It depends on my mood. I can be either if I want.
[car you drive] Hahahahahahaha. I'm too lazy to get my freaking license. =P
[would you rather be with friends or on a date] I would rather be friends than date... unless I really liked the guy.
[job] On and off at Twisselmans
[attend church] Eh.
[like being around people] Yup. Most of the time.


WHO...:


[have you known the longest] My mom? Hahaha.
[do you argue with the most] My mom yet again.
[do you always get along with] Stephanie.
[is the most trustworthy] My birds. I can talk to them about anything I want and they wouldn't blabber it to the next person they see. :p
[makes you laugh the most] Ashley and Jaye
[is the nicest girl(s)] Kristine. (Does being quiet and never saying anything consider as being nice?)
[is the nicest guy(s)] Daniel
[has the coolest parent(s)] Stephanie
[has the coolest sibling(s)] Melinda
[is the most blunt] Melinda
[is the smartest] KRISTINE, NO COMPETITION. x_o;


PERSONAL:


[who is your role model] My grandfather.. even though he died when I was 4. ='(
[pet peeves] Sneezing, people that choose to be oblivious to their own stupidity, tag-a-longs, wannabes that think they're all that and a bag of poo, umm... yeah.
[ever liked someone you had no chance with] Umm, not really.
[ever lied to your best friend] Everyone has lied to EVERYONE they know some time or other.
[ever wanted to get revenge on someone b/c they hurt you] Oh yes.
[cried over the opposite sex] AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA. Other than my grandfather, no.
[have a certain "type" of person you go after] Someone that had a great sense of humor, a great smile *melts*, nice eyes.. someone who was nice and social, friendly (but can stand up for himself and his friends), smart, witty...
[rather be dumper or dumped] Even though I hate having a broken heart, I would rather someone else break my heart than I break someone else's. Although in the end, everyone's heart gets broken anyways so erghhh.. yeah.
[rather have a relationship or "hook-up"] Relationship, definitely.
[what is your fav. part of your physical appearance] My eyes, I guess..
[what is your fav. part of your emotional being] Ahh.. so many different emotions to choose from... I guess my ability to understand someone else's problems and my sensitivity towards people that seek for emotional help. I'm usually not the person looking for the emotional help, I'm the person with the arms wide open for anyone that needs the help. I like helping people, especially my friends. =)
[are you happy with yourself] I have to be, what's the point of being sad and depressed over something that I can't easily change?
[are you happy with your life] Yeah. Just be happy with what you have and if you don't like it, get up your lazy ass and do something about it.
[if you could change one thing what would it be] If I really had that ability, I would make myself less lazy.



What? That's it? x_o

Monday, October 20, 2003

Good nighty

Song of the moment: Nada by Nobody



Ahh, I just finished my essay for English and I am pooped! Yes, you heard/read right. Pooped. I'll post my essay up some other time, but for now, I really need to get some sleep for open gym tommorow. Good night everyone, Buonadotte. =)


Listen to this entry

BRAND SPANKIN' NEW STUFF!

Yup. I just added a bunch of .wav files all around my blogger... just to spice it up a bit. And stuff. You can go click the .wav links underneath the "disclaimer" section, or the section under that and actually HEAR me say it! Yeah! Isn't that cool? And if an entry is small enough, I'll even make a .wav file of me reading it to you, because some of you are too lazy to read it anyways so you might as well listen to me say it.


Here's a little index of what I have made so far with my nifty little recording thing:


(Either left-click on it and allow it to automatically play, or right click and save as if you feel like saving it and then listening to it. Whatever floats your boat, dude)


Me singing (eww) "Haha" by All Saints
"Damnit, What the Fuck" -- my last blog entry
Me reading (whispering bitterly) my disclaimer thing
"My Sad Italian" - something kind of old
Nonsense crap
"Sakura" - Me singing like a little kid
Me reading the "Sedated" thing to the right coloumn
Me reading my hobbies
Me singing (again) "Never Ever" by All Saints
More singing--"A Tisket, A Tasket" by Ella Fitzgerald
Me reading the English/Italian index column


Okay, I'm sure you've had enough of hearing me talk. See, this is what you get when you know me in real life. A bunch of jibber-jabber that no one really cares about, but I don't really care and I just keep talking. Anywho... toodles and enjoy! ;D